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The Maladjusted, Incredibly Ageist Impurity Test

  1. Are you *well* over 21 and tired of being categorized as a slut or an object because you managed to have more than 5 lovers in the past 25 years since you actually lost your virginity?

    Are you starting to get the notion that these purity tests are all written by 18 year old virgins who are under the delusion that their parents were virgins when they met and married (even though it was in the middle of the '60s "sexual revolution" or the 70s era of promiscuity or back in the early 80s before anyone ever heard of HIV?) - or that they were conceived through immaculate conception by their pure parents because clearly, their mother never *did it* that would be *nasty* and even if she *did it* it was only once for the purpose of their conception, and dear ol' dad never had head, because no one had oral sex in the 60s, 70s, or 80s.

    Welcome to the "Maladjusted, Incredibly Ageist Impurity Test" - a test where instead of assuming you are a 19 year old virgin who is in love with his/her long-distance international RPGing cosplaying internet dream girl-guy, this test assumes you are at least 40... in which case, if you're still a virgin... you may have "issues": severe palm callouses, obsessive-compulsive ideas about how sex is yucky and brings you into contact with nasty germs like e-coli.

    If you happen to be a virgin under 40 taking this test... well, tough cookies, baby. Just like in the other "purity" tests, the choleric, judgmental douche bag writing the test denies prior knowledge of the function that allows you to adjust for people's actual listed profile ages, and reserves the right to be a self-righteous, insulting, pompous, arrogant windbag and use no scientific methods whatsoever.

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